Monday, December 27, 2010

Christmas with the Crawford's

Hello all!
 Lara here again to tell you all of the wonderful and ridiculous events that surrounded my 2010 christmas experience.
   Let's start with christmas eve......

   On christmas eve I worked until 6:50pm, then was picked up by my best friend Ashley to go see my other best friend, Zack. We got to his empty house and Ashley pulled out her brand new bong that she recieved as a present, and of course, we took it upon ourselves to smoke it and name it. Since it was Christmas eve, we named this lovely lady of a bong EVE; it's not corny, it's appropriate, so shut your candy hole. Zack ditched us promptly after smoking from Eve and went to his cousins house but let us stay and chill in his house. Ashley went to the bathroom and came back into the room with a face that said "I just saw santa blowing a reindeer", but then she actually said "There is a shotgun in their bathroom". Obviously I was skeptical of this because we live in Canada, but I went to check it out anyways. There was a gun in the bathroom alright, but it wasn't a shotgun, it was a rifle, and it wasn't a real one. I explained to Ashley that Zack's dad does history re-enactments, which is why there is a fake rifle in their house. Don't ask me why he keeps it in the bathroom, because i honestly couldn't even fathom a reasonable explanation for you.
    After we were finished at Zack's, Ashley drove me back to my house where I entered to see my sisters, dad, and brother watching a movie. I go upstairs to get changed out of my work clothes in order to avoid awkward conversations with my parents while i was high, but then i got a text message from sister Abby that read: "Chas is sooooo ripped!" And so naturally, i had to go and investigate the highness of my older brother. I didn't think that he would really be much more high than i was, but i was standing behind him for about 5 minutes before he even realized i was in the room, and he looked at me with his eyes barely even open and said "hey Lara" at a speed that would make a turtle blush. He was ripped alright; him and i sat down to wrap presents with my dad, and everything that came out of my brothers mouth either made no sense or was as intelligent as poking a t-rex in the eye with a candy cane. He was wrapping a bottle of wine for my grandma, and my dad was trying to give him advice on the best way to do it, and kept mentioning something about making the top into a brother did what he thought my dad was talking about, and made some weird frill-like  thing on the top, and my dad just looked at it and laughed. I wrapped my present for my grandma (a coffee mug full of different flavours of tea, a gingerbread man, and candy cane hot chocolate mix from second cup), and went to bed to dream about sugarplums.
    Christmas day....
  I woke up, showered, and went downstairs to wish everyone a Merry Christmas. The first family member i crossed paths with was my dad. He had a rather long cut on his face right by his mouth, i pointed it out and asked him what happened; he told me that he came third in a hatchet fight (he actually cut himself while shaving though). We all sat down as a family to open our presents before we headed to London. My dad's first present was octagonal in shape and while trying to guess what it was, my brother threw out the idea that it might be a 3-Dimensional stop sign, because apparently stop signs are the only things that are octagonal. I got some decent gifts this year; a $100 bramalea city centre gift card from "Santa", Chuck season 1 DVD from Kate, $10 Tim Horton's gift card from dad, $25 cineplex gift card from mom, slippers from my dog and cat, socks, a nail kit, a cookie monster shirt from Abby, a poster from Chas that taught me how to order a beer in 20 different languages, a shirt from AE from my dad, and jalapeno peanuts from my mom. After presents, we all got ready to head out. My brother wore his shoes up in to the kitchen to grab something, and my dad asked him if his shoes are actual leather. My brother said yes, and my dad laughed and said that it took two whole deer carcasses to make shoes big enough for my brothers feet. Gotta love the christmas comments.

     To London!
  The ride to London to see my grandma Crawford and the Crawford family was fairly un-eventful. My sexy headphones are m.i.a. and so i borrowed a pair of shitty ones from my sister. My brother bundled himself up in what my siblings decided to call the "man cocoon", and Abby took a picture of it for facebook. here it is:
We finally got to London to 4 feet of snow, and got right down to eating and present opening. My first present from Grandma C was a large square shape, so i bet Kate $10 that it was a Snuggie. It was, and i won $10...score one for Lara ;)  I also got a $50 H&M card. My uncle Craig did the sprinkler all night (the dance move) and everyone was merry.
    We came back to brampton, and i went to my brother's house with ashley and zack because my favourite cousin Natasha was there with her boyfriend. We smoked dirty table weed scraps and watched Californication until 2am, and i woke up at 7am for boxing day hell at work.

Overall, it was a good christmas :)


Friday, December 24, 2010

Is it Christmas?

Good Morning and Merry Christmas my fine mawfuckas. Did you miss me? Dee Wilson here at 4:25 am on Christmas eve morning. Lawl... that just sounds completely wrong doesn't it?

Whats on my mind? I miss my cat Harper, he is the sweetest friend I have in this world and i feel guilty for leaving him this long. I miss my brethren Lara, Zack and I totally missed Michelle's birthday. I think I may be falling for a girl I've known for a few solid years.  It can be so difficult to deal with these kind of feelings, especially when you have grown to know someone so well as a friend.

Something I was once told in a conversation about relationships,love,sex and dating seemed to really stick with me in an odd way. I was told that I was too specific in what i was looking for pertaining to these things. (probably why I never get any action, jokes) I can't seem to figure out why love is so hard to find? I see many people in love so i know that it exists but.. are these people just settling on the chance of being comfortable or are they really truly devoted to their love.

They met on the beautiful jersey shore,  in the summer of 1962-65 (I'm not 100% on the year but was hoping to give you an idea) They were both early twenties enjoying a day out with a friend or roommate in his case. When he first noticed her he immediately realized her beauty and found his moment when his favourite song came on the radio. Naturally he turned up the radio, grooving to his tune of choice, the girl from ipanema, the attractive young female turned and asked if it was possible to turn the radio up, he apologized and told her that he had already turned it as loud as it would go but if she wanted too, her and her friend could bring their towels closer to the radio and share their company, and a romance blossomed. They continued to see each other although the young girl lived about an hour away. Determined, their love grew and soon they found themselves making love and appreciating each other, wanting to always be together. She moved closer and found a good job near his apartment and they were married.  As cute as I found this romantic tale of a husband and wife meeting, I found it unfortunate to know how the story ended, the love was eventually gone and after a long road of unfair unfortunate separation they said there final goodbyes as she boarded the plane home. I was told, that although they both knew it was over in that last weekend they shared, they made passionate love and reacted to each other just how you would see true lovers. As she boarded the plane they could barley be parted, tears and cries rang from the young teacher who was forced to choose her job over her first real love. As the finally lost hold of each other, she boarded her plan back to new jersey and they never saw each other again.

It's things such as these I wonder to myself when i can't sleep. He settled because he thought she was what he wanted. She was the best he ever the time. Did she ever find true love? Or was he her only real chance?

 At this point I should probably go to bed but visions of sugar plums probably won't be dancing through my head.

I think I am excited for Christmas,  I didn't get all of the things i wanted to give to other people which is really shitty. I am excited to see my sister though, and to sing with her like we seem to do most of the time that we're together lately. I am also excited to see my mom open her gift. I bought her some nice earring that i know would be perfect for her. Gold with a small clear stone, the kind of earrings that dangle so they don't bother her ears. I know that she will appreciate such a gift because she only usually gets really practical girts or really really impractical ones. Being with family has been pretty good now due to the fact that my siblings and i finally get along. God love them!

Sining off for the fact i need sleep, randomly yours at 5:14 friends,

Dee Bon QuiQui Wilson.

p.s I decided to write a book roughly based on my life called Diana Marie Wilson vs Dee Bon QuiQui, A lesson in finding yourself.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Happy Holidays from Hawaii

  The Blonde One here!

   As you may or may not know, it is  the holidays, which means that everyone has gone back to their hometowns to be with family and friends. Dee and Emily are back in Niagara leaving me to the boredom that is Brampton.
    This is the first weekend in a very long time that I spent anywhere but 299. My Saturday night was uneventful, but i did happen to write down what was going through my mind that night. It reads like this:
     A short and lonely night it was, and i soon grew afraid of zombies. It wasn't a sudden irrational fear of zombies, on the contrary, i have been afraid of zombies ever since i was introduced to Resident Evil for Playstation 1. Now, I don't know if you have played any of the Resident Evil games, but like most other zombie games, they are scary as fuck.
    So, as you see, while sitting alone in my dark kitchen paranoia started to build as i heard creaking and moaning (which turned out to be my Dad making noises in his sleep) throughout the house. Oh ya, I guess the weed probably had something to do with the paranoia as well...but lets just blame it on the Resident Evil for now.
    Anyways, what im getting at is this: Brampton fucking sucks during the weekends. People usually enjoy coming back to their home for the holidays; it's a familiar setting, you are surrounded by your family, and you eat lots of delicious home-cooked meals. I guess majority of those things are true for me as well, but this house is beginning to feel less and less like home, while 299 becomes more and more of a home to me...even though i don't live there anymore.
     At least after a few tokes i am gently rocked back into a euphoric state of mind. The Green Goddess Mary Jane always knows exactly what i need.
     What I learned today: there are no eggs in potato salad; eggs are for egg salad.
Happy Holidays from Hawaii!

Friday, December 17, 2010

Having Zombies over for Tea

Hello world!
The Blonde One here again! Let's have a quick re-cap of this weeks events.
-went to 299
-made lots of tea to get over cold
-self medicated with a low dose of Ganja (also to get over cold)
-can't remember what else we did

-woke up and looked outside
-saw snow; went back to bed
-woke up for a second time; still snowing outside.
-self medicated...myself. and Dee, im her doctor too.
-made tea and popcorn
-watched Rudolph
-ran out of tea (worst part of the day)
 -ran out of weed (even worse than the worst part of the day)
 -invited over CJ, who had weed
-CJ became our new doctor, and medicated us all with a high dosage of herb
-watched Shawn of the Dead
-went to Salman's; slept.

-woke up to wake up Salman so that he could go study
-woke up again after we both fell asleep
(repeat this action for multiple hours)
-actually woke up
-went to 299
-found someone with more 'medicine'
-bought actual medicine and tea
-made tea
-Zack showed up and threw a bottle of Dr.Pepper onto our balcony to try and get our attention. The doors were locked, we didn't hear him, and he didn't have his cellphone.
- figured out that Zack showed up and left when we didn't hear him...sorry Zack
-watched Dawn of the Dead

Thursday: -woke up
               -self medicated
               -Zack showed up
               -Jamaican Hotboxed the bathroom
               -went back to Brampton for work

Today: So far today is the most productive day; I had a doctor's appointment at 1:30pm, I waited to get in for about 10 minutes. Dr.Dhillon took about 20 seconds to check me out and tell me that I just have a cold and not to worry, it will go away. Thanx Doc! so very thorough of you....
    Watched several episodes of various sci-fi shows that i watch (don't hate), and drank plenty-o-tea! I have work soon, and am trying to come up with things that I can announce on the PA system at work that are funny but that won't get me fired.
      What I learned this week: Best friends will always be your best friends, even if they become zombies. Also, when the three people in this blog are sick at the same time in the same room, it doesn't matter how much weed we have, things are thrown (usually in my general direction), names are called, and noise levels rise even more. And I learned that in very early drafts for Indiana Jones: Raiders of the Lost Ark, our beloved Indie carried brass knuckles instead of his famed bullwhip.

Sunday, December 12, 2010

Golden Brown

  Ahoy!  The Blonde One here! (Lara...not Emily, cuz she recently dyed her hair red).
  You may be wondering what I am doing up at 1:20pm, yes, it is early for me to be awake (i like my sleep people...dont hate!), but i have work at 2:30. BLECK! Working in retail during the christmas season is like living through an A-Bomb; there is unparalleled mess and people frantically running around tripping over bodies.
   On top of the fact that i have work, last night i seem to have been invaded by the flu bug....that sneaky bastard. So, i feel like shit, i dont have a ride to work, and i get to deal with chickens that have their head's cut off. Fabulous. Need a song to perk up your shitty mood? i suggest Golden Brown by The Stranglers, it's what i listen to in times of stress.
    We'll moss later, but now, im off to work!

Saturday, December 11, 2010

It's a Small World

Lara here! 
Even though the title may suggest that I had a crazy drunk night last night, you are mistaken. Last night I had a mere shot of rum (which I chased with some mixed drink of mystery), and copious amounts of grass as per usual on these types of nights. 
  Where were we you might ask? Well, after meeting up with a semi-drunk Zack at the bus terminal in Brampton, we made our way to the top floor of 299. We pre-burned before we made the long and perilous mission to the Ginger Bread House (the house that belongs to two of our foxy female ginger friends). The party there was alright; I saw some people that I hadn't seen in a while, Ass House plus a few others pulled their balls out as usual but Strachen got creative and wrapped Amanda's Christmas lights around his unusually large testicles, and it was an easy and convenient place to find the piff that we had been looking to acquire.
   After some intense dancing (dubstep being the genre of the night), Zack, Michelle, Dee, and myself decided to leave. We were accompanied on our walk by Molly Pocket, who is just as adorable as she sounds, but don't fuck with her, she has her black belt.  While walking through rapist park, Molly invited us back to her place to chill with her while she plays ukulele for us. For Zack, Michelle and I, that sounded like a pretty chill idea, so we accepted her invitation while Dee went home to sleep. On the way to Molly's we randomly bumped in to two people that were unfamiliar to us. We soon realized that the guy (Luke), plays on mine and Michelle's hockey team. So, we invited them in for ukulele and a session. The female (who's name i forget), is in her third year of the visual art program at York, and Michelle and I are in our third year of the same program. The York Village is a small world after all.
    Molly is amazing at ukulele even though she has only been playing for 3 months, and needless to say, we were all singing along to Hey Jude ukulele cover! We left after an hour of chillage, and stumbled through the cold back to 299, where we prodded awake a sleeping Dee to burn a spliff before bed. Very successful night.
    I woke up this morning to Zack making Special brownies, BEST BREAKFAST EVER!

Friday, December 10, 2010

Dee's Grand Perspective

Dear all of you delicious friends and strangers, Dee Wilson here of the top floor elite. Coming to you proud and loud from 299. You may be asking yourself, why did a lovely girl like Dee Wilson end up in a shit show such as this magical blog? I will answer this for you, I moved to Toronto. After a year of visiting this house at 299 to visit* correction, party hard with*  a high school chum, I got to know 299 in all of its glory. The sounds at two am of Michelle drunkenly cooking some sort of vegetarian creation, Lara walking around always topless with a cup of overly flavored tea in her hand asking me for a cigarette, Emily needing to paint everything teal and call everything sexy and the fact that our house although large and pretty had the structural integrity of a model home. Seriously I feel like I am living in the model home from Arrested Development.  Anyways, really i moved out immediately after completing my last year of high school which may have taken me about two extra years due to my delay. When I finally graduated school depending on my advanced life experience, my diploma was guided to my hands thanks to one man who understood, Mr.Cockburn. At first a joke and eventually my hero for really believing in me beyond my own senses. As i finally began to see some luck in life, a bit more sprang up. Emily Enns extended her connections to me leading me to York and into a few solid friendships i would keep for a long long while. Some of these bitches i be spending most of my time with. Lara Lee Crawford most of all, i feel like i finally have a true com padre i can relate with on a lady level. Before I had a lot of relate able male loves such as S.A.L Corey & Nick but it is lovely to have a lady friend with similar opinions an enjoyments honestly this is beautifully new to me. So really I was brought here to 299 and dropped off to realize the world in my own way, to appreciate and dislike it for all of its wondrous dangers. Which brings me to today, a 20 yr old girl being supported by welfare, living an insignificant existence here in Toronto with everyone else who ever wanted to make it. Luckily enough I have my co writers, Emily Enns, the one who gave me a chance, and Lara Lee, the girl who took me for exactly what I am. Take us for what we are but don't you dare sell us short.

Sign Drunkenly, Diana Marie Wilson of 299, Top Floor Elite. Solid Love <3

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Getting to know the real slim shady.

  Welcome to our blog! The creators of this blog include myself (Lara Lee), Emily, and Dee Bon Qui Qui. We live in the top floor of a shitty house in the York Village, well, technically I don't live here...but I stay here 5 days a week, and work in Brampton the other two. We decided to start a blog to commemorate and share the ridiculous shit that we do in each others presence.
   I met Emily in my first year at York because we lived on the same floor of Founders residence, which is the best residence ever for the record. It was hard not to meet this blonde bombshell; Emily does not believe in an indoor voice and does not give a shit what you think about her.
   I met Dee in the second year at York when Emily invited her to one of our house parties here at 299 (when i was actually paying rent to live here). When I first met Dee, I knew instantly that we would be friends. She was so easy going, she would talk to anyone and she was always cracking jokes. Dee moved in to 299 during the summer, and I came from Brampton practically everyday to keep her bored ass entertained. Emily moved back to 299 at the beginning of this semester along with Michelle (to be introduced to blog), and the shenanigans began.
  What do Emily and Dee think of me? Well, they have essentially labeled me as the skank in the group, so don't be too concerned if you see them use words such as "whore", "slut" and "hooker" in reference to me. I will inform you now that I am not actually any of those things, no matter what they may tell you.
   Even though we haven't been together for a very long period of time yet, we already have hundreds of entertaining stories, most of which contain drugs, nudity, and coarse language; reader discretion is advised.